The Continued Word of Casey...

These are a couple of wacko things he said while I was busy packing us up for a road trip today:

Casey:  MOM??!!  These things are hurting my feelings!
Me:  What's hurting your feelings?
Casey:  Like... the door when I run into it, or the light when I stick my finger in it, or the egg when I break it open and it burns me and then it cuts my HAND.

(a few minutes later...):

Casey:  MOM??!!  I think we need to take this baby back and get a new baby!
Me:  That's terrible!  Mackenzie is our baby, we can't get a different baby!
Casey:  But she keeps touching me.  So I think I need to dig a hole, and put Baby in there, and cover it up with dirt, and then you can find her!!!  Like an EASTER EGG!!!

I'm going to go ahead and not put too much psychological uncertainty into that last part, because WEIRD.

Voices of Reason

Overheard today while the boys were playing with a number puzzle...

Colton:  Casey, what number is this?
Casey:  Seventeen.
Colton:  How did you know that?
Casey:  Just my voices tell me.
Colton:  What voices?
Casey:  My voices and my senses tell me.  But only on Thursday.
 

Mackenzie at the park last week...

Mack (patting her diaper):  Peup?
Me:  Ohh, did you go poop?
Mack:  Nooooo!
Me:  Do you need a diaper change?
Mack:  NOOOO!
Me:  But if you went poop, we have to change you.
Mack (shrieking):  I NO GOTS PEUP!!  Kaaay?

Confession from the "Mama Bear is Crazy as Shit" Chronicles

So, if any of you were in the parking lot of the Port Orchard Fred Meyer at 5 PM-ish yesterday, I would like to ask you to forget what you witnessed.  I was carefully (carefully, damn it!!  Cautious-to-the-point-of-maniacal-paranoia-CAREFULLY) leading my six-year-old from the store to our car.  A car suddenly came speeding around the corner towards us, decided they didn't feel like waiting for us to finish crossing the road, and swerved around us, coming within inches (and I mean inches) of hitting Colton.  Then they continued speeding down the row of cars like nothing happened.  The whole thing was totally intentional and I flipped out.

Which was when, for some reason, my 'parental' instinct was to yell, "HEY, FUCK YOU!!" as loud as humanly possible. 


I mean, come on-- "Hey, fuck you"?  Not 'hey, watch it' or some other kid-friendly version of what I really wanted to say?  Nooo, instead let's yell 'fuck you' to a potentially crazy stranger with my child present. You know what else I could have done?  I could have kept my verbal-diarrhea-inclined mouth shut and taken down a license plate number so the crazy-ass driver wouldn't end up in some other parking lot trying to run down someone else's kid.

At some point, I realized I was still standing in the middle of the road with my hands quite belatedly covering Colton's ears, my heart still in my throat from someone almost hitting my son, and my normally very reserved demeanor completely freaking out that everyone around me just heard me scream at a car .  Might not seem like too big a deal to some people, but what I hate even more than conflict is attention.  Especially negative attention.  So, I avoided eye contact with anyone and managed to get us to the car in one piece, meanwhile scripting in my head how I was going to explain all of this to Colton.

After I loaded the groceries into the car and did my Walk of Shame to the cart return (because I CAN'T yell obscenities AND leave my cart stranded in the same parking lot on the same day), a car pulled up next to us and a man asked if we were okay and said he saw us almost get hit.  That made me feel better, a little bit less like an isolated crazy person.  Or the Incredible Hulk.  HULK... GETTING... ANGRY!!!!

Wacky Hair Wednesday

Today was Wacky Hair Wednesday at Colton's school, so this morning I put about 1/2 cup of gel in his hair and made a mohawk.  Neglected to get a picture, but that's not the point of this post anyway.  While Colton and I were in the bathroom using the blow dryer to solidify our masterpiece, I heard Mack crying in the other room.  I yelled out to Casey to ask him what he did to her (and maybe that sounds presumptious, but let's face it:  that is usually why Mack is crying).  He came guiltily sprinting down the hallway, like that would somehow create an alibi after the fact.  ("It couldn't have been me, I was right here the whole time.")  Mackenzie then rounded the corner holding the scissors I use for crocheting.  Casey said, "Uh-oh, Mom, Baby has scissors!!"  Now, I baby-proof the shit out of this house, so I know I didn't leave them where she could reach them, but whatever, blah blah blaaaahh I'm in a hurry go find your shoes I'm not dealing with this right now go go go hurry up.
It was when I was changing Mackenzie's diaper that I noticed the scratch on her face.  I asked Casey if she had been crying because he scratched her, and his response was to leap behind a chair to hide from me (translation:  YES).  Then I started brushing her hair to put it in a ponytail, which was when I noticed that her hair seemed to be falling out in clumps.  It was all over my pants, the carpet and the hairbrush.  After about 2.6 seconds of panic, I finally put the damned puzzle pieces together:

Casey the Bean, in the living room, with the crochet scissors. 

(and this is just the chunk that I found on top the storage unit-- which, incidentally, is where I keep my scissors.)

"Uh-oh, Mom, Baby has scissors!"??  That boy.

On a side note.... perhaps this beastliness comes from his mother.  I was driving home from the bank earlier today when a school bus pulled out right in front of me.  I'm a pretty laid back driver in my old age (cruise control at 60, hang out in the right lane, listen to music, avoid the aggressors).  But really... that bus pulled out right in front of me so I had to hit the brakes fast.  I said, "Are you freaking kidding me??"  Then Casey piped up from the backseat:  "Are you freaking kidding us, Bus??"  Eh.  At least I didn't say the other F word.

Kingdom of... Heaven?

Saturday.  Casey and Mackenzie's Nap Time.  Let's Do This Shit.

Colton focused as I've never seen him focus to complete this project.  I only wish homework was that easy for him.

Admiring the finished product.  But.... but wait....

Behold!  On the horizon, a new enemy lurks!

The eager eyes, the wanton curiousity!

HE CAME TO DESTROY.

"Halt!  Who goes there?  Friend or foe??"  (Seriously, Colton actually said that exact line.  Mackenzie's $1.29 Goodwill Royal Carriage is always spewing nonsense like that.)

"Push all you want, peasant!  I will casually continue to enjoy this feast of grilled cheese while I fight you off with my one apathetic arm."



Aaah, the temporary (and, dare I say, smug?) satisfaction of being bigger and stronger, and yet having no clue what awaits him when that gap narrows in a few years...

 But for now... the Kingdom is saved! Victory!

And yes, more grilled cheese.

I mean, it kinda serves Casey right.  Yesterday, I was getting after him for throwing a fit about one thing or another, and he said, "Oh!  I'm sorry, Mama.  But that's a beautiful necklace you're wearing."  Whaaa?... Eh.  Mmmph.   *throwing hands in the air, eyes rolling, giving up, going to sleep*

Meanwhile, back at Ye Olde Genetic Modification Plant.......

P.S.  Saturday night dinner sans Shawn:  Grilled cheese on the couch, Spiderman in the DVD player: