Somebody open me up a mutha-f*#kin' bottle of wine!!

And then stand the hell back, 'cause I'm drinking the whole thing!
It's mid-October, which means Shawn is on his hunting vacation.  Hehe.  Bwah ha haaaaa!!  HAAA HAAA HAAAAAA!! Sorry, inside argument joke.  Anyway... Meredith offered to take the boys all morning long, so I went out for a Girls' Day with Kinney Kinz.  We went to the mall, we each bought a dress ($16 for mine, yo!), I got a latte, we popped by the grocery store and didn't lose our ever-loving shit over the candy at the register, and when Meredith brought the boys back, it was almost  naptime..........  but tonight, I STILL lost my cool and sent Colton to bed without dessert!
Now, before you think I am a spoiled monster, I will give you a quick recap on what happened:
MY FIVE-YEAR-OLD COLORED ON THE COUCH AND THE WINDOW.  HE COLORED.  WITH A CRAYON.  ON THE COUCH. 

What's that you ask?  No, no.  Not my two-year-old.  MY FIVE-YEAR-OLD. 

But surely he picked out a washable Crayola product, right?  Noooo.  No he did not.  He picked out some off-brand leftover restaurant crayon, the cheap, "please don't scare off the other patrons, take whatever you want, paper, crayons, a shot of whiskey aaaahhh!" crayon.

Whaaaaat?  I can't color on the couch?  Is this some kind of new rule?

You know the rules!!  Coloring is for paper only!


 

Oh, what? I'm sorry, you were talking, but I'm pretty sure I just fell asleep.

                                                 

 Oh right! The crayons. That's a good one. You're funny, Mom.



 

I mean, what else are we supposed to do for fun? Play with any one of these 800 toys? Color the Halloween pages that you printed for us?

Oh, you're serious? Um, ok, Pollyanna, you keep making the rules, I'll see what I can do. 





 

 

CUT TO:  Bedtime, 7:00 PM, lots of tears, no dessert.

Oh, except for me.  Because I'm the MOM, damn it.